2013

[Stock]

Hope you all have a good peaceful and prosperous New Year

[Wazza]

Hope you get one this year stock !! ,Happy New Year everybody ............

[B4D2USA]

LOL, good one. Happy new year to you folks over there. It's still 2012 here in Chicago. 5-1/2 hours to go.

[Dan]

Have a good un Lads ..... Best wishes from all of us at the forum to all

[245dlc]

Yeah Happy New Year still 2012 here too couple hours to go.

[Wazza]

Come on Bert stop dragging the chain ,it's been 2013 here for over 15 hours .......

[245dlc]

We like to savour things a little longer here.

[ianoz]

Happy new year to All .

[Muz]

Happy new year all .. just recovering from last night ... by having some wine ..........

[Wee Jim]

Happy new year guys! X

[Stock]

You boys from the land of haggis only surfacing now??




This poem is appropriate for reading to an audience shortly after they have eaten the haggis - you will need an audience with a sense of humour!
TAE A FERT

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There sterts to stir an enormous wind.
The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
Stert workin like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin wi the sauncie face
Will have ye blawin’ all ower the place.
Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A’bodys gonnae have tae pay
Even if ye try to stifle,
It’s like a bullet oot a rifle.
Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair
Tae try and stop the leakin air
Shift yersel frae cheek tae cheek
Prae tae God it doesnae reek.
But aw yer efforts go assunder
Oot it comes like a clap a thunder
Ricochets aroon the room
Michty me, a sonic boom!
God almighty it fairly reeks;
Hope I huvnae shit ma breeks
Tae the bog I better scurry
Aw whit the hell, its no ma worry.
A’body roon aboot me chokin,
Wan or two are nearly bokin
I’ll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile.
Wis him! I shout with accusin glower,
Alas too late, he’s just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare
I dinnae feel welcome any mair.
Where ere ye go let yer wind gan free
Sounds like just the job fur me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie's perty
Ower the sake o won wee ferty.

[Stock]

	It happened at a pub that a dear old lady from beyond the Tweed spied a Scottish piper, with his instrument of torture, and begged for a tune. For a solid hour the Highlander marched up down performing. "Dear me," said a nervous lady, "I suppose it's very fine, but it does sound a little like an air raid siren, doesn't it?" "No madam," replied an exasperated pub patron, "it sounds like an air raid."
	Picture pioneers pushing farther and farther into the Badlands of the American West with native Indians serving as scouts. As they kept the monotonous trek, they began to hear the rhythmic sound of beating drums in the direction they were headed. A few of the scouts traded nervous glances, however the lead scout convinced the explorers nothing was amiss. The following day the sound of drums became more emphatic, but the lead scout assured the nervous white men. On the third day, much to everyone's terror, the pounding drums became almost deafening. On some sort of unknown cue, the drums simultaneously ceased. The terrified scouts flung down their packs and fled into the wilderness. When the captain queried the lead scout he was told, "Never have fear as long as drums make sound. When drums stop, very bad sign: next come bagpipe solo".
	Two girls are walking when they hear. "Psst! Look down here!" They both look to see a frog sitting beside the road. The frog says, "Whoever kisses me first, I'll turn into a world class piper and make you rich and famous!" The girls looked at each other, and one of them reached down and grabbed the frog and stuffed it in her pocket. The other girl asked, "Why did you do that?" The first replied, "I'm no moron. A talking frog is worth a lot more than a famous piper any day".
	A man goes to a physician. The doctor says, "I'm sorry to tell you this but you've only got six months to live." The man says, "Doctor are you sure? Is there anything I can do?" The doctor says, "Well, you could marry a piper." "Will that make me live longer?" "No, but it'll make your six months seem like six years."
	Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye went to study at an English university and was living in the residence hall. After he had been there a semester, his mother came to visit. "And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked. "Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night." "Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbours?" "Well, mother, I just ignore them and stay in my room and play my pipes."
	A piper died and went to heaven. St Peter asked whether he played an instrument and he replied "Yes, the bagpipes". "Excellent" said St Peter, I think we have a vacancy in our pipe band. "What is God like as a Pipe Major" asked the Piper. "Not too bad" said St Peter, "although occasionally he thinks he's Andy Steward"

[245dlc]

Lol! That's hilarious Stock.

[FrankB]

Best wishes guys , have a good new year everyone !